I should have done more...

These words are like knives that cut and open new wounds that never heal. Each time they are said they carve a new strand of guilt that separates us from the reality we deal with. In the process of life we make choices that feel are right, but what about in the face of death. Loved one is dying, should I go home and sleep? What if they are not here in the morning, should I have left? If i would have left 5 minutes earlier I would have made it to the hospital in time. If I would have gotten up to check on them I would have seen a change in them and they would still be here. The IF is a knife that is cutting another wound in us because we cannot accept the reality of death as a natural progression. We always think what if, what if, what if.

People are put on this earth for a reason. They make us stronger and they live to create a piece of  puzzle that will fit in our lives at some point. When we grasp on to the guilt and the what ifs, we are forgetting that we have a piece of someone that is supposed to go somewhere. Whether that piece is telling us to be a better brother, a better sister, lover, father, or mother; we should always have it with us. With the piece of them in hand we should figure out that life has a plan for all of us. Whether you were in the room, on your way, or left too early, the reality is it happened because it was supposed to.  Now we are left with figuring out the why, the what if, the maybe, the should of when we should be finding the piece and where it fits in the puzzle we are left. When our minds do not let us heal, we forget the good we did. In times of sickness and struggle, the motherly, fatherly or protective instincts are in overdrive and to a child that is LOVE. To a Grandfather or Grandmother, that is LOVE. Let love guide yo and know, that in that very time of sickness and struggle...They had the best life has to offer.

The Road to Forgiveness

We live this fast paced life where we forget to value the important things. In this hustle we don't love enough, laugh enough, or even cry enough, and it takes a jolt of reality to make us whole again. We all have compassion in our hearts but why do we only feel the need to use it when something is wrong. Why do we gravitate to the bad, to point out isms, to tell people how wrong they are, instead of forgiving. The problem lies in the simple fact that we as human beings are scared of what we don't know, so our natural reaction is to judge and comment and make others around us believe our insecurities so we do not feel crazy stating them. Forgiveness harnesses the same logic. We cannot forgive what we do not understand so we give excuses to make others believe what we in our hears do not truly grasp.
The difficult part of forgiveness is also that we as people whether we admit it or not hold grudges that are completely unhealthy. The person who feels they have done nothing wrong continues a life carefree, while the person with the grudge carries the burden. I have been accused of not forgiving, yet I will forgive when the heart agrees and when and if i know for a fact it will not happen again. Sorry is a word used to freely and one that has lost its luster. So what is the road to forgiveness and how do we as people truly forgive.
We need to find out who we are and how the path to forgiveness will make us grow. Guilt is an awful thing to live with and we can think we have gotten over it but it lingers and makes us resentful. In death, forgiveness is no different. The heart knows the burden it carries and the soul will dim the light of understanding in order for one to shed a tear. Find this road and try to pave a new way. If you continue on the road you are on then understand the signs as you pass them because once you choose an exit; whether you are lost or at your current destination, where ever you end up will be the choice you made and consequences you live with.